Empathy is typically considered to be a good thing. We teach our children to be empathic because we want them to understand how others are feeling and to help them if needed.
Research also shows empathy to be positive, demonstrating links with having good social and people skills. But what about when empathy is exploited? That’s where the concept of a dark empath comes in.
What is a dark empath?
To understand the dark empath, we first need to understand the concept of the dark triad.
This refers to three personality traits: narcissism (a heightened sense of entitlement and grandiose thinking), psychopathy (low remorse, superficial charm, and impulsivity) and Machiavellianism (manipulative and strategic behaviour).
Now, imagine someone who possesses all three of these traits and has high levels of empathy. That’s a dark empath.
The main difference between a dark triad individual and a dark empath is that dark empaths can understand how others feel. You might think that this sounds positive, but it’s not if the individual uses that empathy to manipulate someone for their own gain.
Dark empaths don’t just show elevated levels of general empathy; they tend to have higher levels of a specific type of empathy.
Research suggests that there are three distinct types of empathy:
- Affective empathy: the ability to feel things that others feel (for instance, crying at a sad movie).
- Cognitive empathy: being able to understand how others are feeling but not necessarily feeling the same emotion (for instance, understanding that someone feels upset while watching a sad movie).
- Compassionate empathy: understanding how someone is feeling and helping them (for instance, giving someone a hug when they cry at a sad movie).
Dark empaths are dangerous because they have high levels of cognitive empathy. This enables them to understand what others feel and need. They then use that knowledge to exploit other people’s vulnerabilities for their own benefit.
Unlike their dark triad cousins, dark empaths are often extroverted, appearing charming in social situations. Their adept social skills make dark empaths hard to detect and easy to trust, a perfect but deadly combination.
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How to spot a dark empath
So, how do you know if you have a dark empath in your midst? Look for someone who seems especially good at reading someone else’s emotions but uses that information for their own good, rather than to validate the other person’s feelings or to offer support.
More specific signs that suggest that someone may be a dark empath include:
- their kindness feels fake
- they manipulate you for their own gain
- they are exceptionally skilled in social situations
- they guilt-trip you and/or play on your insecurities
These are not definitive signs of a dark empath, but they are warning signs worth noting.
So, perhaps the key take-home message is that while we should encourage and value empathy, it’s important to consider why someone is empathising with us.
Are their intentions genuinely good ones, or do they have an ulterior motive?
This article is an answer to the question (asked by Carroll Steger, Colorado) 'What makes someone a dark empath?'
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