Relationships can be brutal, just look at the popularity of songs like 'Someone Like You' by Adele, or all the covers of 'Cry Me a River' by Julie London.
Some people have compared a relationship breakup with grief, as it involves the loss of an important relationship. There may be a scientific basis for this.
Scientists have found that getting over an ex can take around 4.18 years and even longer for people with certain attachment styles, or for people who have to maintain ongoing contact with their ex.
So, what should you do after a relationship ends? One study identified 84 things that people do after a breakup. The most common was shifting focus to other things, particularly keeping busy and focusing on themselves.
Other strategies were to seek support from friends, family or professionals, while some people withdrew socially.
What seems to be unhelpful is ruminating on the breakup. Repeatedly thinking about the breakup (rumination) can make things worse. Instead, focusing on the positives and maintaining an optimistic attitude can be helpful after a breakup.
Research has shown that people who felt strong, confident and hopeful after a breakup experienced more personal growth than those who didn’t.
The important thing seems to be having a clear sense of who you are as a person, independent of the relationship you’ve left.
So, what should you do if your relationship breaks down?
- Focus on you. Make time for self-care and enjoying activities that make you feel good
- Talk to friends or family about your feelings, not your ex
- Avoid replaying the breakup in your mind
- Try to adopt a positive attitude towards the future
So even if you are playing breakup songs at full volume or binge-watching your comfort television shows while eating chocolate, remember, breakups hurt, but they don’t have to break you.
With a positive mindset, you can come out the other side stronger.
This article is an answer to the question (asked by Lisa Cooper, via email) 'How can I get over my ex?'
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