The ideal trip to the bathroom is forgotten in an instant. No mess, no fuss – just effortless pooping. But there are times when the simple act of defecation can become fraught with danger.
From stress bellies to runners’ runs, we may experience diarrhoea, constipation, pain, straining – the horrible list goes on. These are the poops that we dread – and then remember with a shudder.
However, there is hope. If you prepare for these moments with gut-healthy strategies, you may be able to avoid disaster when the time comes. Your bottom and bathroom will thank you.
Here are some of the worst poops most people will ever encounter (and we’ve saved the most horrible until last).
1. Stress poops
You’ve probably already experienced a few unpleasant poops, courtesy of your pesky human emotions.
We’ve all been there. You’re waiting for a job interview, or a first date to turn up when you feel it – that rumble in your stomach that sends you fleeing for the nearest bathroom.
That's because digestion is intimately linked to how we feel. It's called the gut-brain connection.
“If you think about a nice, warm, gooey chocolate cake, you might start to salivate,” says gastroenterologist Dr Trisha Pasricha, from Harvard University. “Unlike most other organs in the body, your digestive process begins in your head.”
As much as we might like to nonchalantly sail through life, stress affects us all. When it does, our guts pay the price.
“Your brain is producing something called corticotropin-releasing hormone, that acts directly on the gut to halt the stomach, so it slows down,” explains Pasricha. “That’s why, when you’re stressed, you might feel a little queasy.
“And at the same time, it causes the last part of your colon to contract more quickly, so you need to go to the bathroom.”
The result? Tummy aches, bloating and diarrhoea. Unfortunately, the solution – to be less stressed – is a lot easier said than done.
But Pasricha explains that the gut-brain connection is a two-way street, so if you look after your gut health – for instance, with fibre, fermented foods and gentle exercise – you can improve your mental health too. In turn, your poops might improve.
2. Marathon poops
While stress is often unavoidable, no one is forcing you to run a marathon. Yet this gruelling physical challenge can bring serious digestive side effects.
Known as the runners’ runs, these symptoms come from two places: the mechanical shaking of a jogger’s insides, and the diversion of blood to the heart and muscles.
“When you go on long runs at a higher intensity than your body can handle, you can shunt blood away from the gut,” Pasricha says. “That lack of blood flow to the gut can cause a lot of inflammation. Wherever there’s inflammation, diarrhoea will soon follow.”
But, she continues, this inflammation can also damage the gut more seriously, potentially causing it to bleed.
Her advice? Wear a smartwatch to track your heart rate. You may notice that your gut symptoms – like stitches, nausea, or an urge to poop – arise when your heart rate goes above a certain threshold. By pacing yourself differently, you could keep your gut happy.
Oh, and drink plenty of water, Pasricha adds. That can help maintain blood flow to the gut.
Read more:
- Here’s what your poop actually says about your health
- Should we be paying more attention to our poo?
- Five reasons to be positive about poo
3. Holiday poops
From a gruelling marathon to lolling about on a beach, your gut can also complain in the most idyllic circumstances: on holiday.
“There are so many factors that conspire against your colon when you travel,” says Pasricha. “Your colon operates on a circadian rhythm, so it goes to sleep at night. And then, when you wake up, it gets cues from the environment to wake up.
“But when you travel, that circadian clock in your gut gets completely shattered.”
That’s not only because you’re sleeping till lunchtime or jetlagged after a long flight. Your whole morning routine also changes on holiday – and, as we know, digestion starts in your brain.
So, your gut may put its feet up on holiday, leading to sluggish digestion, bloating and constipation.
“It’s very common that people will go on vacation for a week and not poop for five days,” says Pasricha. “That’s not fun for anybody.”
At the same time, we’re often dehydrated on holiday, and enjoying plenty of treats – rather than well-balanced meals.
Pasricha’s solution is to “aggressively seek out extra fibre.” Filling up on salad or veggies earlier in the day will help kickstart your digestion in the morning, so you can indulge at dinner without uncomfortable poops.
“If you don’t do that, you’re going to be in a world of hurt later,” warns Pasricha.
4. Period poops
Another faecal danger zone comes with menstruation, caused by fluctuating hormones that can wreak havoc on the gut.
“About one in two women have gut issues related to their period,” says Pasricha. “The most common thing I see is constipation and bloating leading up to it. Then, while people are on their period, they have the worst diarrhoea of their lives.”
The sex hormone progesterone is partly to blame. In the weeks before the period – called the luteal phase – it slows down the gut, causing poop to accumulate inside.
Then the period arrives, progesterone falls, and all this poop begins to leave at once. At the same time, inflammatory compounds called prostaglandins encourage the gut to empty its contents.
“Prostaglandins are responsible for your uterus to cramp and shed that lining, which causes the bleeding,” says Pasricha. “But while they’re causing your uterus to contract, they’re also causing your bowels to contract.”
So, we have pesky prostaglandins to thank for both cramps and menstrual diarrhoea.
Pasricha says some people find that non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) help – for instance, ibuprofen. Alternatively, you can try over-the-counter anti-diarrhoeal medication or switching up your contraception for better period poops.
Read more:
- What your pooping frequency says about your health
- Here’s the best way to sit for better poops, according to science
- Why eating too much fibre might be ruining your gut health
5. Hangover poops
Headaches, nausea, fatigue – hangovers are already miserable, without your gut putting up a fuss. But after a night of drinking, you may experience some pretty terrible poops.
“Alcohol damages and inflames the lining of the gut, disrupts precious sleep cycles – which are important for helping your colon maintain a regular rhythm – and dehydrates you significantly,” says Pasricha. “Together, this combination is bad news for your bowels.”
Over time, alcohol can damage the lining of the gut, reduce microbial communities and lead to inflammation. But in the short term, it can cause a range of unpleasant poops, from diarrhoea to constipation.
Pasricha recommends: “Rehydrate aggressively first thing. A cup of coffee can help get things moving, but be gentle with what you put into your body the next morning. You need to give your gut a little grace while it recovers.”
6. Postpartum poops
Everything we’ve discussed so far is bad, but hangovers are nothing compared to the dreaded postpartum poop.
During pregnancy, progesterone is at an all-time high. That means digestion slows right down, and constipation is common. Up to 85 per cent of pregnant people report symptoms of haemorrhoids and anal damage.
Then add in the carnage of delivery, and it’s no wonder this poop has made a name for itself as the worst of all.
Pasricha says the postpartum poop can be a “perfect storm” of weakened pelvic floor muscles, stitches, swelling, potential surgical recovery, and the likelihood of dry, hard stool.
She recommends loading up on fibre and stool softeners during pregnancy, and making a serious effort to hydrate.
“When the moment comes, get your feet on a stool, do some slow relaxing breaths, and hold a warm washcloth against the perineum for counterpressure,” says Pasricha. “Try to avoid serious straining.”
Hopefully, that will help make your first postpartum poop as stress-free as possible.
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