Do you have a friend who spends all day talking about themselves? A family member who refuses to take on criticism? A colleague who delights in taking credit for your work?
There’s a chance they might be a narcissist.
Scientists aren’t sure exactly how many narcissists live among us. Some studies say less than one per cent, while others suggest that 1 in every 16 people could have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) – that’s 20 million people in the US alone.
This chunk of the population – however big it may be – is characterised by a lack of empathy, an exaggerated sense of self-importance, and a willingness to exploit others.
It’s perhaps no surprise that these individuals can be difficult to work with. Research by British psychologists found that grandiose narcissism – the inflated belief that you’re brighter, bolder and better than everyone else – hampers teamwork to a “striking” degree.
When they tested the puzzle-solving abilities of more than 100 people working in teams, they found that those with more narcissistic traits solved fewer puzzles, reported less unity and found the experience more frustrating.
Meanwhile, romantic relationships with narcissists are more likely to be afflicted by one-sided emotional investment, explosive arguments and exploitative behaviour.
It pays, then, to be able to spot the signs of narcissism – so you can protect your relationships, your career, and your mental health.
Just be aware, though, that some of these traits might apply to non-narcissists, and a diagnosis of NPD can only be assigned by a mental health professional.
With that caveat in mind, here’s what to look out for.
1. Check to see who continually has the spotlight
If you’re in a room with someone you suspect is a narcissist, pay attention to who is dominating the conversation.
As described by psychologists in the 1990s, narcissists love the spotlight and, in social situations, may frequently boast about their own achievements or continually steer the topic back to themselves.
When someone else shares a personal interest or anecdote, the narcissist is unlikely to respond with much genuine concern. Instead, they may ‘glaze over’ or react with a dismissive attitude in place of an empathetic response.
Conversations with a narcissist are rarely a two-way street.
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2. Watch how they respond to criticism
For another potential narcissism indicator, look out for reactions to feedback. When offered even gentle criticism, a narcissist won’t be happy.
“Just try to criticise one. They usually show their true colours then,” says Pascal Wallisch, clinical professor of data science, psychology and neural science at New York University.
“Hyper-sensitivity to criticism – even valid criticism – is quite diagnostic. To be clear: no one likes to be criticised. But to narcissists, it is truly radioactive, a completely disproportionate response.”
Narcissists may also take credit for the accomplishments of others – however tenuous their connection might be.
Wallisch adds: “There’ll also be an absolute refusal to take blame (even for legitimate blame), if they can push it on someone else.”
3. Note how they talk about other people
But narcissists don’t just resist negative feedback, they redirect it onto other people. As German psychologists described in 2021, narcissists rely on defence strategies to protect their own egos when faced with criticism.
A classic example is projection. Accused of incompetence at work? A narcissist may fixate on the incompetence of a colleague to deflect blame from themselves. Alternatively, they may shift the blame onto the person who called them out in the first place.
This defensiveness allows narcissists to dodge blame and avoid looking inwards, preserving their inflated self-image.
4. Look out for early signs of flattery and charm
There are subtler signs to watch out for too, particularly when you first meet a narcissist. Initially, they may use flattery, charm and excessive attention to pull you into their orbit.
“We might not always pick up on this, but the charm and manipulativeness is part of their Machiavellianism – the personality trait characterised by manipulativeness, deceitfulness, high levels of self-interest,” says Dr Nadja Heym, associate professor in personality psychology and psychopathology at Nottingham Trent University.
“Machiavellianism, narcissism and psychopathy are highly overlapping and intercorrelated.”
But as the relationship progresses, this warmth may fade, replaced by emotional coldness and manipulation.
Indeed, psychologists from the University of Arkansas described love-bombing – the excessive flattery early in a relationship – as part of a narcissist’s approach to relationship formation.
This tactic, they described, allowed a narcissist to supercharge the relationship early on, so they could gain power and control over their partner in the long term.
5. Take note of their relationships and social history
One final clue? The person’s past. Dr Olivia Remes, a psychologist at the University of Cambridge, says: “Their relationships can be troubled, and narcissists try to take advantage of others for their own gain.”
Thanks to their constant need for attention, their inability to accept criticism, their tendency to deflect blame onto others – and other unsociable traits – a narcissist may struggle to maintain healthy bonds with people over long periods of time.
So, while they might brag about connections to glamorous, powerful and successful people, a closer look is likely to reveal a trail of broken friendships.
The narcissist may now dismiss past loved ones as disloyal or ungrateful.
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